FMyLife
by MonkeyKrazy
Summary: "Today... FML." Yeah, yeah. I'm Tsukiyomi Ikuto, and welcome to my blog.
1. Chapter 1

Today, the company I am forced to work for, Easter, sent me on a mission to find the Embryo.

On the job, I happened to stumble upon a really cute girl, whose name was Amu. She has hair that's a sexy shade of pink, and beautiful honey-colored eyes. She had completely caught my attention when I found out that she owned the Humpty Lock - the lock that pairs with my Dumpty Key. It's too bad, because I completely striked out on all of my chances of being with her.

Strike One - Apparently, she owns three eggs that have an unusual design. In order for me to complete my job, I needed to steal two of her eggs, and check if it was the Embryo, or not. If it wasn't, I would have had to break the eggs. I teased her a bit, just to see her reaction, before taking her eggs. She looked like she was afraid of me at first, and realization dawned upon me, that, in her eyes, I was the bad guy. If only she knew that I have good intentions - I need to get the Embryo, and wish for my freedom from Easter.

Strike Two - When she tried to take her eggs back, she successfully grabbed them from my hand, but fell off balance. I wasn't able to catch her. Some hero I am.

Strike Three - She fell from the sky after what seemed to be her first Character Tranformation, and again, I wasn't able to catch her. Although, she did fall bridal-style into the arms of my 'little brother'. Evidently written in her eyes when he had caught her, was the love and attraction she felt for him. I lost the one and only person who caught my interest to a Kiddy-King.

To sum it up, I didn't catch the Embryo, am still bonded to Easter, and found a girl I like who isn't interested in me. She probably even thinks I'm the bad guy. FML.


	2. Chapter 2

Today... well, let's just say, you don't even want to know what happened today.

I saw that one chick, the one who owned the Humpty Lock, again.

Amu - I remembered her name because it starts with A, and A is for apple, and an apple is a fruit, and a strawberry is a fruit, and she has strawberry pink hair. Oh yeah, also, her name rhymes with Shamu, my favorite whale from that one theme park...

Anyways, I was walking aimlessly around the town, since Yoru woke me up from my nap and whined that he was, "...Craving taiyaki, nya! I'm hungry! Let's eat taiyaki nya~! Ikuto nya~ WAKE UP! _WAKE UP!_"

Caving in to Yoru's persistent nagging, I bought some taiyaki at a local stand. The merchant was very nice, and I learned that he also sold cabbages. Although he was a decent fellow, he honestly mumbled too much about his cabbages, flyng lemurs, and a monk with an arrow on his forehead called an airbender. I was smiling politely, but inside, I was all like, 'Woah, he's a madman. Must be a spy for Easter.' o.O

Amu walked by a few moments later, but she didn't seem to notice me. She was deep in thought, and I overheard her talking to her charas about Tadase. It figures that she'd be thinking about Kiddy-King, since he did save her. But all night, I couldn't help but wonder what my relationship with Amu would have been like if _I_ were the one to catch her as she fell.

I followed her to school, from across the other side of the street. She kept on talking to her pink and blue charas, but I couldn't see the third one. Obviously, the second one, the blue chara, hatched since the time I last saw Amu, but I couldn't see the third one. Probably hadn't hatched yet. To a person who couldn't see charas, they'd probably think she was a lunatic, like the cabbage merchant who sold taiyaki, since she kept on talking to herself the whole way to school.

You're probably thinking, don't I feel like a pedo? I mean, I was following a fifth-grader to school today. My answer: a bit. Do I feel like a stalker? Hell yeah, I do.

Once arriving at school, I crouched outside, right behind the window so that I could see what was happening inside the school kitchen. I felt like a spy. Or, rather, a stalker-spy. Yoru would be my sidekick, or my little stalker-in-training. I could teach him how to be stealthy, and hopefully he could use those skills on some other chara that he digs or has the hots for. Man, I wish we had brought some sort of costumes, to make it seem more official.

I watched from the window, as Amu went into the kitchen with her friend with the purple ponytail. Staying near the window (so that I could keep a close watch on her chara eggs, _not_ on Amu herself), I noticed that she was making a fruit tart. It's a shame because it was for the Kiddy-King, and not me. I guess I did strike out. She probably didn't even think of me, even though all I thought about was her.

It was so funny watching Amu cook, that I had a very hard time refraining myself from laughing out loud. She was just so darn cute when she concentrated so hard to make the tart, and she looked so edible. Oh yeah, and for any of you boy creepers out there, who are reading this just to keep tabs on MY AMU, I am warning you now. Back off. I've got cat-like skills, and I'm not afraid to use them.

My chara, Yoru, teased me for peeping through a window, while watching some girls cook, and acting like a hentai. I flicked his tiny forehead, telling him that it's necessary for my mission to get the Embryo. He gave me a devious smirk that closely resembled mine.

When the other girl with the long purple hair left the kitchen, I decided to finally talk to Amu, and maybe get a second chance. I jumped through window effortlessly, then sat down on the window panel to appear cool yet casual. Honestly, I thought I looked hot and sexy as the wind from the other side of the window blew through my hair dramatically, and my leg was propped up on the wall in a casual pose. That's right, scream fangirls, scream.

Just then, I heard her third chara try to attempt a chara change with Amu, so I clapped my hands loudly to announce my presence, and she jumped up in surprise. There was no way I would let her be distracted while I was there, in the same room, breathing the same air, as her.

" Hey! You're that guy!" Amu yelled. _That guy... that guy... that guy..._ What a letdown. She couldn't even remember my name. On the bright side, at least she thinks that I'm a guy, a man, and not a silly little boy, like Kiddy-King.

She pointed an accusing fingerat my face, and continued yelling, "The hentai who dresses up with cat ears!" Nevermind. So I guess I really do give off the impression that I'm a hentai, don't I? Still, she said I was a man, and all young men have hormones, so who could blame me?

But 'dresses up'? I do NOT dress up with cat ears, I DO have cat ears. Yea fangirls, that's right. Cat ears. Now, fangirls, scream it out loud 'cuz I know you wanna, 'Ikuto with cat ears is soo~ smexy!'

Too bad Amu doesn't think so. Insert sad face here. She even screamed "Get away from me, pervert!" as I took a step towards her.

To change the topic, I masked away my disappointment, and started talking about her eggs.

"So the second one hatched?" I said, remembering this morning. "But now," I grabbed the third egg from Yoru, who secretly took the egg while Amu was distracted, probably by my deep, sexy voice, and my... my pure awesomeness. "I wonder if this is the Embryo."

" The third egg!" she said. I licked the egg, just to tease her. It reminded me of the Dr. Seuss book, Green Eggs and Ham. Her third egg was the green egg, and I was like the character, Sam, who kept following the other character, or Amu, everywhere, and repeating "I am Sam, Sam I am." It's like, I should be repeating "I am Ikuto, Ikuto I am", since she couldn't remember my name. But can you imagine me sitting on a train, holding an egg, and just repeating the phrases that always rhymed? Okay, don't answer that.

Back to my story, I licked her egg, and Amu came running to save it. She made a grab for her egg with her right hand, but kept looking into my eyes, as I was looking into hers. Suddenly, I felt some _connection_ between me and Amu. It was as if time froze, and Amu and I were the only people in the planet. I inched my face closer, and kept staring into her mesmerizing eyes.

In shock, I fell over and landed on top of Amu. I should have been drooling and getting a boner like any other teenage man over the position that Amu and I were in, but there was something about her eyes that captivated me, and I never ever wanted that moment to stop.

A different feeling washed through me at that moment, and it wasn't like a tidal wave of jumbled emotions that just crashed over my heart. No, it was more like the soft ocean rolling over the sand. It was affection, and I really hope that Amu felt the same.

Suddenly, the kitchen door banged open, and the purple-haired girl barged in with a tray full of fruits while screaming, "Stop right there! Get away from her!"

I snapped away from my trance, and stood up nonchalantly. Amu rushed to her side with an adorable, scarlet blush on her face. The purple-haired girl character changed, and by that time, I knew I was in big trouble.

In the end, the tart for Kiddy-King was ruined (which I suppose is a good thing, but for some reason, I feel really bad), the kitchen was covered in whipped cream, and... I was almost killed by a little fifth grader. What a day. FML.

* * *

**A/N:** The last sentence was revised thanks to a helpful suggestion from KidTantei. :)


	3. Chapter 3

Today, I don't feel like doing anything. I just wanna lay in my bed. Don't feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone. 'Cuz today I swear I'm not doing anything, nothing at all. Ooo-ooh. Ooo-oooh, ooh-oooh~

Honestly, I really do want to just sleep in bed all day. (If only I had a bed.)

Oh? You didn't know that I don't sleep in a bed? I guess we haven't had introductions yet, now have we?

Okay, my name is Edward, and I'm a vampire. I don't have a bed because I don't need to sleep, but I'm planning on buying one since my girlfriend, Bella, wants to, ahem, 'hook up'. I protect my girlfriend from bad vampires and werewolves almost every single minute, since she's always attracting danger like a magnet.

GOTCHA! Just kidding. I'm not really a vampire, and I don't have a girlfriend. Yep, that's right ladies, I'm single.

My real name is Tsukiyomi Ikuto, and instead of being a vampire, I have a shugo chara named Yoru. Although Yoru is really annoying, I can't live without him. I'd never say it out loud, but Yoru is my best friend, and I'm very grateful to have him. He keeps me sane, and cares for me whenever I feel like the world is looking down on me.

I have blue hair, blue eyes, and like to wear either black or blue. Yoru is the color of my cellphone, which is also blue. Guess what my favorite color is... Yep, that's right... pink!

My deepest darkest secret, is that I'm afraid of losing everyone I love. Yes, I admit it. I'm scared of losing the people closest to me, or losing anyone I know, for that matter. I'm contracted to a company named Easter, and since they're the 'bad guys', I'm even more terrified to find out that the people I love, may hate me. It pains me to work against nice and innocent people, and it hurts whenever I have to crush an X-Egg, but if it leads me anywhere near the Embryo, then I'll do anything.

Another confession, is that I don't hate Kiddy-King. He's like a little brother to me. You know how brothers are; you don't hate them, but you don't love them a whole lot either. I've always cared for the little prince, but don't exactly show it, because I'm afraid that if we become more attached, then I might lose him like I lost my father.

My father. *Sigh*. He left, and just... disappeared... vanished... AND, NO HE'S NOT A MAGICIAN! For some reasons that even I don't know about, my father just left one day, and never came back. I love my dad the most, but at the same time, I hate him. Is that even possible?

Maybe, it's because I love him so much that I miss him, and I miss him so much that I hate him.

Uh... about me, I HATE the rain. I think it's the _most_ annoying weather in the world. I also hate it when in the mornings, it looks like it's going to be sunny, but it starts raining unexpectedly during the day. Some people say that rain is, like, a symbol for 'new life' and mumbo jumbo like that, and it brings new flowers, so I shouldn't complain. BUT, how can it be a 'new life', if I've been alive for my entire life? Rain only makes my clothes wet, my feet cold, and flowers only bring pollen, allergies, and bees.

Oh yeah, I can touch the tip of my nose with my tongue when I character change. It's a skill that, apparently, only a few people can do. I don't do it in public, because that would be embarassing. Imagine being a passerby, and you see a dude with cat ears and blue hair touching his nose with his tongue. HAHAHAA!

Time for a new segment, called:

**~Ask Ikuto~**

**Q:** Dear Ikuto, how do you get such clear skin like yours?  
**A: **How do _you_ know that my skin is clear? I've never mentioned my skin before... _you stalker_. As for clear skin; my skin is actually a light tan. If you want clear skin, I'd suggest you ask that 'Wonder Woman' from Fantastic 4.

**Q: **Dear Ikuto, who do you like?  
**A:** Well, what do you mean by 'who do you like'? 'Cuz, I like many different people. Yup, I like you, too.

**Q:** Dear Ikuto, are you a boxers or a briefs type of guy?  
**A:** Personally, I think boxers give me a more 'free' feeling, but briefs keep everything more 'secure'. Too bad I'm not telling you what underwear I wear... that'd be awkward. So, what do _you_ think I am, a boxers or briefs guy?

**Q:** Does it hurt when you character transform?  
**A:** Not really. I just grow claws like wolverine, change into a completely different (yet sexy) outfit, grow cat ears, and my chara disappears into my heart. Nope. Doesn't hurt at all.

As for why I don't sleep in a bed, it's because I 'travel' a lot. I don't want to go back home, because if I do, I'm afraid that Easter will hurt my family who lives there. Also, my mom isn't a very motherly mom, so going back home isn't an all too sunny option.

I mean, my mom isn't abusive, or anything like that. She's just... not interactive with me. I'm better off as a free-wanderer, where I won't be a bother to anyone. At least, that's what I want to believe.

I just wish that I had a family that loves me, and won't get hurt for loving me. I'm such a loner. FML.


End file.
